I love sex so much. I’m more horny than ever. Everyone around me seems to be having meaningless, satisfying sex with strangers or people they don’t know that well. How did I miss this? Why must all of my sex be attached to emotions and caring? Why can’t I imagine having great sex with a man for one night only and then never talk to him again? The thought of it makes me miserable. Yet, how I think and feel about sexual intercourse keeps me so very unsatisfied too because the process leading to coital can be a long one.
What makes it worse is I’m now pickier than ever. So it takes a lot of mental foreplay for me to even want to have sex with a man. The men I try to date who are in their thirties see me and think I want to date them because I want to marry them and make babies. Plus, they all seem to be in a very vulnerable state if they’re 30-something, single, childless and have no clue in which direction they want to take their lives. My perceived 30-something biological neediness (marriage and babies) overwhelms them. The 20-somethings are always game, but often they work on my nerves or cannot keep me stimulated outside of the sack. And I’m not meeting nearly enough older men in their mid 40s and older who have moved on beyond their 30-something and midlife crises. In short, where I am now, I’m not meeting enough men who I can even get into the arena to contend to be my lover.
My only point is I wish I could get as much satisfaction out of a single, meaningless sex encounter as I can out of sex with someone whom I am in a deep, committed relationship. I’d be having sex more often.
No, I don’t. I want to care about my lover, and I want him to care about me. And I want us to have a lot of sex.