So, with one month to go, I planned to tell Mike about my no sex commitment on our next date. If we could just get through one more month of dating and getting to know each other better, I would not cheat myself on my commitment, and I would also be more ready to be his lover.
Our next date was scheduled for Wednesday again. We went for drinks at a cozy lounge bar by my house. We just wanted to talk. We had such great chemistry. I eventually broke the news to him. He didn’t take it any way. He just took it. We didn’t discuss it. I was not mature at the time. I didn’t really know how to express why I was doing what I was doing or what I wanted. I came off as indecisive.
After that date, our Wednesday night dates ceased. Our daily talks and texts slowed.
I invited Mike to my 28th birthday at Aqua, the upscale dinner club in Beverly Hills. He didn’t reply to my invite. On the night of the party, some time around 1 am, he sent me a text to find out if my party was still going on. I was happy and excited to hear from him of course. He showed up to the club with some friends right when it was closing. I was wearing 3” heels, so I changed into my friends black flip flops. They were more comfortable anyway.
I took off with Mike and his two friends. Mike wanted to show us one of the houses he’d purchased, so that’s where we went. I was with three 21-year-olds on my 28th birthday, and I was happy. Mike and I dropped his friends off at home and we were finally alone. He had to switch cars, so we went to his house, his parents’ mansion, in Beverly Hills. He invited me in. It was about 2:30 in the morning. His German Shepard greeted us at the door. His older sister was at the top of the stairs. She whispered to him something about the house. He introduced us, grabbed his keys then we left. He took me to get something to eat. He used my camera to take a couple of really cute photos of us. Then he drove me home.
We emailed a couple of times after that. I sent him the pictures. He loved them.
There are two things I wonder. One is, if one of us were in a living situation that was more apropos for let’s-go-back-to-my-place, would Mike and I have grown more intimate. I’m not just talking about sex. We could have done that in a hotel room. I’m talking about the opportunity to watch TV together, cook dinner together, fall asleep together and other things that build intimacy early on.
The second thing I wonder is how things would have played out if I hadn’t told him about my one-year commitment to myself. What if I had just let it play out how it already was and not put some sort of time limit on when we could start making love?
In hindsight, I do feel sort of foolish making celibacy commitments. Now, I’m unintentionally sort of in one. For me now, if I feel it with a guy, and the commitment is there, and we’ve discussed the commitment, there’s no need to put sex on hold.
K.
The Sex That Got Away 