“You Can’t Keep Running In And Out Of My Life” by The Gap Band
I wish I could just shout this at him. Lorenzo is The Sex That Got Away #19, the latest one. The long story is coming, but the abridged version is: I liked Lorenzo A LOT when I was in Italy. He is Italian. He worked at the hostel where I stayed in Naples for three weeks. I had a major connection with this guy. I wrote him a note because I was once really fucking bad at expressing myself when it came to men. I thought we’d have a great fling. I thought I’d met a soul mate. Then he just wasn’t interested anymore. We never had sex. We made out a lot, but sex wasn’t an option because I didn’t want to sleep with someone who wasn’t willing to see if we could be more than just some fling.
Break-up/Love Song Classic
We hadn’t communicated since May 2011. Then in March, I got this message from him. It was long and about him being a new uncle for the first time. Since then, we’ve been communicating sporadically. It’s gone from written messages to Skype. Our topics have been mostly about being single 30-somethings with no real obligations, what our next move in life will be and traveling. But it’s inconsistent. He’s moving to Australia to open a restaurant, and he’s invited me to Australia. Why the hell would I go to Australia? The idea is fun. But what’s he after? I’m not afraid to ask. I just know if I do, I’ll end up telling him off. He really hurt me 19 months ago in Italy. To what extent, he has no clue. He keeps hinting that he’d like to do things together like travel and learn to fly. Where the hell did this come from?
We are Facebook friends. He has had access to my life for the past 19 months. I had really kind of forgotten about him. Now, he likes my photos. He likes my status updates. But the communication is inconsistent or not as consistent as I would like from someone who has already had my attention, but didn’t want it. My thoughts are this: if you want something, tell me. After you reject me, if you want back in my life, you’ve got to put in the work which is just telling me you want a second shot and communicating more consistently and sticking to your word. I’m not going to pursue him. I’m not insane. But I don’t really want him to go away. I’m glad he’s here. I do want to go to Australia. I want to see what could happen. But I’m not really keen on getting hurt again. Part of me wants to shut the whole thing down. This is the part that wants to preserve my heart. I’ve never given someone who hurt my heart a second chance. K.